Hey, everyone. Autumn is in full swing, and it’s my favorite time of the year. Of all the seasons, I think this one is the one that seems to bring about the most change—the cooler temperatures, changing leaves, and migrating birds. While we haven’t yet had “frost on the pumpkin” in Texas, it’s only a matter of time.
Like the changing seasons, it’s time for me to refocus on writing. That means less reading, fewer book reviews, and an occasional WIP Wednesday post.
For a couple of years now, I’ve wanted to write and publish a book of short stories. I put the project on hold last year to focus on House of Sorrow and Cold Dark Night.
The short story project will be a mixture of genres, including mystery and suspense, contemporary fiction, and ghost fiction. Today I want to share an unedited excerpt of Coming Home (working title). I was inspired to write this after hearing the true story of a Vietnam Vet who went MIA in 1967. Fifty-two years later, his remains were identified and returned to his family.
I don’t normally write in first-person POV and certainly not in present tense, but it seemed the way to go for this story. There are scenes from the perspective of four different family members. Not only does a missing Navy aviator come home, but his “homecoming” becomes a time to mend family relationships.
Today’s excerpt comes from Brady, the youngest grandson of the fallen hero.
Excerpt:
I didn’t want to come today. Having to see all the Navy brass, including my father and my “oh so perfect” older brother, only serves to remind me that I’m the black sheep of the family.
The only Atwood in four generations not to serve in the military. The only one who didn’t make good enough grades to be accepted into the Naval Academy.
The only one who didn’t give a damn, but I’ll never admit that to anyone, least of all my father.
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A large group of spectators stands behind a chain-link fence adjacent to the runway. Some wave American flags, while others sport banners that read “Welcome home, Lieutenant Atwood.” A few take photos with their cell phones. News reporters are gathered in a designated area.
Vietnam is something I read about in the history books. An unpopular war that happened a half-century earlier. Many of those watching today weren’t even born at that time. It’s hard for me to understand their fascination. I’m here only because my family expects it. Don’t these people have anything better to do? Surely the local news station has more interesting stories to cover.
As the jet carrying my grandfather’s remains rolls to a stop, I see my family standing off to the side. They’re all here—Dad, Mom, Chris, his wife Faith, their children, Aunt Grace, and her husband. Despite the warm October day, my father dons a three-piece suit. My mother, ever the tasteful dresser, wears a short-sleeve black dress.
Chris wears his dress blues. I can’t help but notice he has had additional ribbons added since the last time I saw him. There’s also another stripe on the sleeve of his uniform, signifying his promotion to full lieutenant.
I suddenly feel out of place in my short-sleeved polo shirt and chinos.
Mom glances in my direction. She nods, ever so slightly. I’ve put it off long enough. Ignoring the queasiness in my stomach, I walk the short distance to stand beside her.
Hope you enjoyed today’s post. And don’t think badly of Brady. He has some lessons to learn, but he’s a good guy.
Also, I’ve resumed my newsletter. My plan is to send one every other month, with the next one in early December. If you’d like to receive updates, enter your address in the form located on the sidebar.
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37 Responses
Great excerpt, Joan . The first person present really pulled me in. I want to know more now.
Thank you, Denise. I have all the scenes written. Now for the edits!
Good to know you’re short story project, Joan. Great excerpt. I like first person POV.
Thank you, Miriam. I’ve only tried first person once before. It’s actually for a story I plan to include in this collection. I may change that one to third-person POV. Not sure yet.
It sounds like you have many good short stories lining up. It’s exciting, Joan!
I’m having fun writing them. I hope to release the collection sometime next spring.
That’s a wonderful news, Joan. Look forward to hear more. I’ve written many short pieces over the year. It’s about time to visit them.
Great excerpt! I think the first person, present tense is a good choice for this story.
Thank you, Priscilla. I’m excited about writing this one.
First person present is perfect for this story, Joan. Great choice! I feel for poor Brady and want to see how he fares in the midst of all the judgements. Love this excerpt 💕🙂
Thanks, Harmony. This one is going to take lots of editing. I kept switching from present to past tense. 😉 However, once I got started, I can’t see writing in any other way than first-person present.
I always enjoy first person POV. Great excerpt, Joan.
Thank you so much, Jill.
I can tell I’m going to be in tears reading this one. But I think it’s so important. I can’t wait. Cheering you on, Joan.
Believe me that I still shed tears over the real story. Thanks for the support, Staci!
Joan, that was a fantastic excerpt! Writing in first person (and present tense) really made the emotions hit home. I’ll be looking forward to this collection of stories!
Thank you, Mae. As I said, first person present tense just seemed the right way to write this one.
Your excerpt really captured the emotions and my interest, Joan. I can’t wait to read the collection. Bravo!
Thanks, Gwen. I’ve been wanting to write this particular story for two years, but I wasn’t sure how. It wasn’t until a month ago the picture of a young man watching his grandfather’s casket being carried formed in my mind.
This is a great excerpt, Joan, and I’m intrigued to know more about Brady. Maybe because I’ve been the black sheep of my family. 🙂 And what you said about not being comfortable writing in first person, present tense resonates with me. The Christmas story I am releasing soon demanded to be written that way and it was a challenge! Thank you for sharing.
Funny how stories do that. I didn’t plan to write this one in first person, but now I can’t see doing it any other way.
Looking forward to your Christmas story.
Terrific excerpt, Joan. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, John. I have a deep respect for those who serve in the military. They deserve to be honored.
They do. I have the same respect.
I already like Brady, and I know I’m going to like him even more. Not everyone can march to the same tune. Have fun with your story collection. Great excerpt!
Thanks, Judi. Brady is a good guy, just feels a little out of place.
This sounds like a good short story. I can’t wait to read it. I know first person and present tense are hard, I have trouble with them as well.
I kept wanting to switch to past tense. This one will take lots of edits.
I like it, Joan. Excited to see the rest.
Thank you, Craig!
Great excerpt! Thanks for sharing, Joan. Good luck with the writing and I’ll be reading those stories when the book’s out 😊
Thank you, Marie. Hopefully sometime late next spring.
I love how first person pulls the reader deeper into the character’s POV. This sounds so good, Joan!
Thanks, Jacquie. First person POV is a new venture for me.
First person, present tense seems perfect for the story, Joan. I suspect this is going to be a great collection. The excerpt is wonderful and I wanted more… now! Lol. Happy Writing!
Thank you, Diana! Believe me the story needs lots of editing before I can share. 🙂
That’s how stories go. 🙂 I’m sure it will be great.